TINU'S TALE - PART FOUR

When I woke up my mother and sister had left but Shola was there. He had cuddled up in the chair beside my bed and was deep in his sleep. That gave me enough time to think of what to say to him when he starts asking questions. There was some pain and discomfort in my stomach so I decided to sit up to find a more comfortable position to lay in. Wrong thing to do. I unconsciously put all my body weight on the already sore and swollen hand that the IV fluid was connected to. I screamed. I screamed so loud that all the nurses and doctors on the floor rushed to my bedside including Shola who scrambled out of the chair. One of the doctors examined me before administering some pain killers to ease the pain and discomfort and everybody was relieved to find out that it wasn’t anything life threatening.

After the doctors and nurses left, Shola shut the door behind them and then came to sit by my side. I could see all the confusion and mixed emotions on his face. He looked very confused and I wouldn’t blame him, that was all me. I myself was in a predicament of my own as I had still not thought of anything to say that wouldn’t end my already strained marriage. Then he held my hand and put it in his. I could tell he was very nervous because of the way he squeezed my hand and how he couldn’t look me in the face. With his head down, staring veraciously into the ground, he asked - 

‘What Happened’

I love the things I love and I care for the things and people that matter to me. I’m not as emotional as your average woman but I’m not also stone hearted. Before then, I don’t remember ever crying as an adult. Not at funerals, never tears of joy and definitely not because of a man. But that day, I cried. Why I was crying and how it even happened I don’t know, but when the tears started to roll down my face I knew I was close to coming up with something. I cried and cried and cried until my pillow was soaked I couldn’t roll out anymore tears. Meanwhile all through the time I cried he didn’t still look at me. He just held my hand and continued whispering the words ‘What Happened’. As if to say ‘when you are done crying, you would still answer my question’. At that point, I couldn’t decide on what I was fighting for. My marriage, our child or myself. I picked the latter.

I was raped Shola. I was raped. I knew his stance on the rape. He had once told me a story about how he was molested by one of his uncles while growing up. Till this day, the memories still haunt him. So I knew if I was ever going to stand a chance at keeping my family together, it would have to be something that would appeal deeply to his emotions.

And just like that, I had set in motion the beginning of a series of unforgivable events.

He eased his grip on my hand and started to caress it. And for the first time in as many hours, he looked at me. He opened his mouth and tried to talk, but the words won’t come out. Instead, he started to cry. I almost burst out laughing, I don’t know why but it just seemed like the right thing to do. In my head, I was thinking ‘Is this how easy it is to get you?’ but I also knew better than to be stupid and cheesy, so I stayed there and acted like a lifeless being wearing my best puppy face expression.

Who did this to you? When did it happen? Is it someone I know? I need you to tell me everything, everything. Because I am going to get to the root of it and the culprit would be severely dealt with.

I almost said it was Chibuzor - because I needed him to suffer for all the inappropriate amazing sex we were having, but it would have eventually boomeranged back on me. Because if he goes to confront Chibuzor, it would it would result to him (chibuzor) dishing out everything about the affair – the messages, the pictures, a lot of the truth and then some lies to save his head. The ripple effect would have been so much for me, suicide might be my only option, that was a no go area. I had to come up with something quick. I needed to come up with a series of lies that I could easily just tell without having to think a lot and without it contradicting the previous lies I had told. Luckily for me or fortunately for me, the god of tears (if there’s anything like that), blessed my eyes with a sack or two and in no time my other pillow was drenched in tears.

You remember that day I didn’t sleep at home and then I called you the next day to say I had to rush down to Ibadan and something something about bad network? Yes, it was that day and there was no Ibadan. I was raped.

He sighed. I don’t get it. I don’t understand you just said. Where were you raped? Here in Lagos? Where exactly and who? And why did you just come home? I am your husband I would have protected you. Maybe not against the rape since I wasn’t there but you wouldn’t have had to go through this alone. You should have talked to me about it. When we took those vows on the alter it is because of things like this. Through thick and thin. Tell me, what if you died? Did you at any point in time consider the possibility of that child being mine? No! You got up one day and decided to kill the baby.

Would you please shut up, like just shut up? I yelled. Now, I was fitting well into the role of the victim and I was feeling all the emotions like I had actually been raped.

I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how to say it and I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. It didn’t make sense at all and it still doesn’t make sense. And just like how I didn’t talk to you about it, I haven’t spoken to anybody about it. Do you think I’m proud of myself? Do you think I’m happy to be in this situation I am in? Do you think I wanted to be raped?

I was driving home from work that night and I noticed the car was moving funny. There were barely any cars and people on that road and the street lights were on. So I thought it was safe enough to park the car and do a quick check. So I parked on one side of the road and got down to look around the car when I noticed I had a flat tire. I obviously do not know how to change tires and I didn’t think it safe to park the car there till the next morning. I had to look for an alternative. Luckily for me or so I thought, I walked to one end of the street and saw some young guys talking and having drinks just by the gate of the street. I told them about my plight and they were willing to help as long as I parted with some cash when they were done which I agreed to. They had suffessfully changed the tire and I had gone into the car to pick my bag to give them some money as agreed. I turned around to see three boys with their pants down, obviously drunk making passes at me.

Do you still want me to continue the story and tell you how three boys took turns on me? And how I don’t recognize them and how I’m not sure about the paternity of the unborn baby I was carrying? Do you think I haven’t gone through enough pain? Do you think this was easy for me to do?

I had just delivered an academy award performance. In all my life, I had never had to tell a lie that big. For what it was worth, he bought it.

He hugged me tight and didn’t say anything, but cry. Then the shocker came.

The abortion wasn’t a successful one as the baby is still in there alive and kicking. Your body has gone through a lot of stress and even if I support your decision to have the fetus taken out; it might damage your womb and render you barren.

My whole world, all the lies, the pain, everything was now in vain. I still had Chibuzors baby in me.