TINU’S TALE

When he came back into the room, I swear I could feel my soul leave my body. I was sitting in the top corner of the bed, my head in my legs…crying, terrified and visibly shaking. He paced around the room murmuring to himself and I knew how vicious he could get should he hear me utter any words so I decided to keep to myself and make silent prayers that nothing infuriates him further to make him hit me again. After a while the pacing stopped and when I put up my head, and he was gone. I heaved a big sigh of relief and stretched out my legs only to see him reappear, wielding a bag that he swung at me.

“There’s a dress and shoe in the bag, get dressed we have a party to attend”.

“Oh! Snap”. I remembered we had been invited to a friend’s cook out dinner, that I wished I could pass on, but I wasn’t ready to get into another fight with Shola. Sigh.

My eyes were swollen, and they hurt badly each time I tried to blink. I could barely move any part of my body without feeling pains, but I managed to get up and walk towards the bathroom. Shola stood there by the door watching me writhe in pain as I got out of bed without showing any type of emotion.

So we would attend this party keeping up appearances? Acting like everything is good when in reality our household is on fire?  

I wasn’t going to start throwing blame around; I just wished things were different and was hoping he would be able to forgive me and allow us work things out. I wished I could collapse and die right there or maybe even slump and fall into a coma and know that would be spared from his wrath; but like they say man proposes, God disposes.

`For how long would this go on for? ` . I murmured to myself.

I didn’t know he heard every word of it; next thing I remember, I’m inside the bath tub with a pack of ice strapped around my head. I tried to get out of it but the pain in my head was so much, I had to lie back in. I was in there for another half hour, like a lifeless soul when he came in to brush his teeth. He leaned on the wash hand basin with his eyes fixed on me; I could see the anger, hate and disgust in his eyes and it was then that I begged him to kill me, because I couldn’t take it anymore, but he didn’t seem perturbed at all.

“Shola please kill me, shola I cant continue to live like this. You won’t talk to me but beat me, you won’t listen to me, and you won’t even allow me leave. I’m sorry Shola, I really am but I can’t continue to live like this”

He didn’t say anything or seem to be interested in anything I had said. When he was done brushing he cleaned up and wiped his hands then came to where I laid, held me by my neck and whispered into my ear.

`I’m not going to kill you Tinu. But I would make you suffer every day for the rest of your life for everything you did to me. For every time I remember how you cheated on me with that good for nothing bastard, for every time I remember how you defiled our bed with that boy and for every time I have to doubt the paternity of that child you call my own, I would inflict pain on you and watch you writhe in pain till you eventually die`. He said as tears rolled down his eyes.

`Don’t I do enough for you? Before you ask me for anything, I provide for it. Money was never your problem; you had the luxury of expensive clothes and getting first class treatments whenever you travelled. I did this because I didn’t want you to go through the type of stress I get off my job everyday and that’s why I always go out of my way to make sure your comfortable. First time you asked to work after you had that child, I stood against it. I didn’t want it because I wanted you to be a stay at home mother to take care of the baby but no you refused to listen. When your complaints about being bored at home became unbearable, I set up a business for you. I put over ten million naira into that business over the span of three years and what did you do in the end? You messed up all the finances, we moved on from that. When Sesan became five you nagged and nagged about wanting to take an official job; against my wish but because I wanted you to be happy I fixed you up at that firm, a decision you have made me to regret`. He held on to my neck tightly as he cried uncontrollably.

`I’m sorry Shola, I really am sorry. It wasn’t intentional; I would never intentionally try to hurt you. I have no excuses for my actions, I can’t explain anything because it would not make any sense to you or to myself, but I am sorry baby`. I stuttered, crying too. He spat on my face and then he threw me back into the tub, allowing my head hit the tub causing a big gash before he walked out of the bathroom.

I knew I had failed as his friend, wife, companion and mother to our son. Yes our son because prior to the time the baby came, Shola was the only man I went to bed with. Every day before I went to bed, I prayed to God and asked him for forgiveness and for a second chance. I usually prayed to him, begging him to turn back the hands of time and allow me fix things with Shola but whenever I wake up every morning and see my pillow soaked with my tears and my body getting weak every day as a result of the beating, I had to quickly come to terms with the fact that it was a reality I’d have to live with.

We had the most beautiful wedding; it was a fairy tale of all sorts. I dolled up in a Vera Wang number while he was suited up in a Dolce and Gabbana tuxedo. He looked so yummy and I was a better-looking Cinderella.

We got back to Lagos after our honeymoon on the Island of Madagascar a week later and went back to our former lives; only this time we were married and living together as man and wife. I had just finished my NYSC program weeks before we got married and was lucky to get a job at a new generation bank but against the wish of my husband. While still pleading with him to allow me take the job pending the time our first baby would come – since he preferred me to be a stay at home parent that I grudgingly agreed to after a night of wild sex - I found out I was pregnant. I was gutted and unhappy about it because I wanted to work for a while before having children but I couldn’t complain because it was an occurrence that was bound to happen.

We had our first child Sesan in the early hours of May 14 2003. He was born a premature baby but after a few weeks in the incubator he was given to us and has been living healthily ever since. Six months down I started getting bored at home. We had employed the services of a nanny who did virtually everything asides breastfeeding the baby - which I even stopped doing after four months after a nursing friend of mine advised against it saying it could disfigure my breasts if I allowed the baby suck on my nipples all the time. Instead, before the baby gets hungry, I fill up his feeding bottles with the milk and store them in a warm place till he was ready to eat.

I wanted to work badly, I wanted to use my degree and feel relevant after all that was the reason why I went to school to get one. But anytime I tried to talk to Shola about it, he would shove it aside and instead come up with many reasons why leaving the baby alone with the nanny wasn’t a good thing to do. With a lot of persistence he finally obliged - to open a boutique for me at the mall on the condition that I carry the baby along with me every day and return back home before six. I agreed.

After renovating the store and stocking up, I was able to employ a sizable number of staff and in no time was ready for business. First year we made good sales with almost 100% profit, I was happy, he was happy and we carried that vibe into the following business year. We made quite a number of sales but some of our loyal customers who were mostly family friends started to accumulate debts. Some paid off their debts, others we wrote off as bad debts. By the beginning of the third year, we barely had anything to run the business with and we were forced to close after Shola decided he wasn’t investing anymore.

When Sesan got into primary school, I figured that was my cue to talking Shola again into allowing me get me a proper job and after months of back and forth, he finally gave in to my request and got me a job through one of his friends as a sales rep at a top manufacturing company. I was more than excited and that night we made love, so much that the next morning I woke up at lunchtime. It was the weekend though so it was easy for me to blame it on the events of the week even though I barely did anything.

I resumed work the following Monday and I won’t lie it was tough as hell because for me it all seemed new, but my supervisor who happened to be Shola’s friend showed me around and taught me a few tricks on how to get things done effectively. I made a few friends too at the office and because of my diligence and constant appraisal of my work by Chibuzor,  (my supervisor/Sholas friend) I became the toast of the company in no time. During the Christmas party I was asked to anchor the event alongside a popular TV personality.

Everything seemed to be working in my favour, my marriage was getting stronger and Sesan was making progress in school, I couldn’t have asked for any better. When my schedule started making it impossible for me to pick Sesan up from school in the afternoons, I decided to get a driver to do that and also made sure the nanny fixed him up, gave him food and made him observe his siesta before I got home.

At work, Chibuzor was extra nice and after eight months of work I got entitled to a company car that would normally take two years, but he facilitated it. During lunch breaks he would bring me food from fancy restaurants, buy me gifts and nice things occasionally. I didn’t see these things as anything since he was my husband’s friend and didn’t think it to tell him anything.

Then one day at the office I had to work late. I was surprised to see Chibozor around as I thought I was the only left in the office. He came into my office and we talked and joked about work stuff while I worked. 

When I was done I packed my things and got up to leave. He was sitting on the table and then he stood up and came close. He played with my hair and complimented my looks. I had braids on that I was sure was in bad condition because I’d had it on for weeks and I was looking the same way I had always looked since day one. But it felt good hearing someone tell me how beautiful I was since Shola had gotten too busy to notice anything. He took some of my hair and rolled them on his fingers. I was feeling uneasy but I went on to allow my curiosity get the better of me.

He held me by the waist and pressed his body on me, I wanted to push him away but for some reason I just stood there and allowed it. He kissed me on the neck – his hands slowly moving from my waist to my bum.  It wasn’t right, I knew it wasn’t right but he had some type of hold on me. Then he moved in for the kiss, biting my upper lip first and then the lower one before sharing a deep kiss. When I came to the realization of what was happening, I pushed him off me but he wouldn’t give up.

He held me from behind, pushed the bulge in his pants against my body and grabbed my left breast. I was shocked; I wanted to strike him with my elbow and run, but the sensation.....oh the sensation. We ended up having sex on my table, good sex. When he was done I didn’t even clean up or wait for him to wear his pants back, I just pulled up my pants, rolled down my skirt and headed for the car park. I felt the saint, wife, devoted and faithful wife part of me die as I drove home because I had never cheated on any of the men I dated in the past but now the deed had been done.

I was angry, felt violated by what Chibuzor did but as much as I felt sorry for myself about what I had done, I couldn’t also help but picture the scenario in which it happened.

Adventurous.

My judgement was clouded, I fought my conscience countless times about talking to my sister about it or even telling Shola about it and hoping he would take it in good stride but another part of me would rather I kept quiet and try not to ruin my marriage. That was the first mistake.

When I got home, I showered and went straight to bed I wasn’t even in the mood to see Sesan. That was when Shola, of all days to pick a fight decided to nag about me allowing the maid make his dinner instead of me. I explained my work schedule to him and after a little spat, we were cuddled up in each other’s arms in bed. Next thing he’s touching my privates trying to turn me on and get me into the mood for sex, but I rebuffed him immediately. That was mistake number two. Since we had been married I had never ever turned down his advances for sex no matter how tired I was but on this night I just didn’t want to feel like the slut who slept with two different men in one day.

I think not talking to anybody about it and trying to solve it on my own was the biggest mistake to make as you’d find out in the next part.