LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS

Arrghhhh - Why did she have to do this to me? - I staggered into my room after getting intoxicated at Mummy Oshoke beer parlor. I jumped into my bed and lay there for a few minutes, dazed, not knowing what to do.

Where is my iPod?

I checked the side table where I always kept it, but it wasn't there. Forced myself up and looked everywhere, but still couldn't place where it was. Then it hit me - look into your pocket, and there it was. I lay back in bed, plugged the earphones in my ear and turned on the iPod. Somehow I skipped all the tracks from A-F until M.I's Forever came on. I nodded my head and sang along as it played through that I didn't know when the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

It was our theme song, Bimpe and I.

Did we have to let things get this bad? What did I do to deserve this? I thought you loved me Bimpe?

When the tears continued flowing, I sat upright on the bed, stopped the song and wiped my eyes with the duvet. Then all the memories we shared started popping into my head.

I remembered the day she agreed to date me, I remembered our first kiss. I remembered how we used to stay up all night to talk to each other and then sleep off listening to each other breathe over the phone.

I remembered our pet names for each other, I remembered how Forever became our theme song. I remembered how most times when we were together, I'd sit on the opposite side and just stare and smile at her for long periods, excited in my mind about how happy I was to have her in my life. I remembered how she used to blush whenever I said “I love you”.

I remembered our quarrels, sigh, I remembered how we were quick to say sorry to each other just because we couldn't go a day without talking to each other. But in just 24hrs, we had gone from I love you to I wish I never met you.

Where did I go wrong? What happened to I'd never leave you no matter what? 

How did she do it?

She looked me in the eye – Kirey, it’s not like I don't love you anymore, that would mean me being heartless. I still love you very much and I know you love me too, but for us to work, IT WOULD TAKE MORE THAN LOVE, and I don't think I have anything left in me to make this work. I'm sorry, I can't continue with this relationship.

I thought she was joking and was waiting for her to take back her words and say she was joking, but she really meant it. We were over.

My heart ached, I had sleepless nights and I cried whenever I was left alone by myself, but it didn't change anything. I begged, got people to talk to her, even her siblings - yes that's how much I loved her, but she stuck to her NO and I wanted to hate her, but how do you hate someone you love?.

This whole thing happened in 2010, but it took me close to two years to understand why she left me and what she went through with me during the one year we dated. I had always thought as long as I loved someone that would be the only thing that mattered, but I was WRONG.

Every relationship requires both parties to LOVE, UNDERSTAND, TRUST and be FAITHFUL to each other.

Just recently I figured out why none of my past relationships ever worked out. I loved them, I trusted them and was faithful to an extent, but for some reason, I indirectly chose not to understand them.

“Kirey, let's go to the movies tomorrow"

"You know I'm the shy type boo I'd rather we spend the day indoors talking and playing catch up"

Another time

“Kirey let's go kart racing this weekend"

Kart racing ke, when I can use the money to drink beer?

"I'm sorry boo I've got stuff to do I think I'd be going out with my mum” and then on twitter - @Kireyy_N I had fun today hanging out with the boys.

These things hurt ladies/women, and even though they don't voice it out, deep inside them they are waiting and hoping that you realize these wrongs and right them.

The goodbye hugs, calling to say goodnight, telling her how beautiful she is even with a boil on her face, petty talks, surprising her with small gifts on random occasion’s asides their birthdays and valentine day, taking her out at least once in a while for the woman you say you love shouldn't be an issue and believe me when I say you cant go wrong with this.

I overlooked most of these things and so do most of us and when these ladies run out of patience and call off the relationship, we start looking for ways to blame them.
In recent times, people have misconstrued sex and love to be intertwined with each other, but I strongly disagree. You don’t have to be in love to have sex and vice versa. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, just like a whole lot of people do too because it’s the only exercise you partake in and never want it to end; but in reality you can be in love and understand, trust and be faithful to that person without having sexual relations with him/her. If you add sex to the factors I listed above, it would be a perfect combination – imagine making love/ having sex with the person you love. Take it away and the relationship would still stand, but take understanding or trust or faithfulness away from the relationship, and see how in your face the relationship would crumble.

Sex should be a thing of choice; it should never be the deciding factor in any relationship.

Finance also plays its role in every relationship. Unlike the classic humble beginning type of relationship most of our parents were involved in back in the day where two people start from scratch and build their fortune together, this generation is more about the ready-made. Girls want to date rich boys and boys want to date girls that won’t serve as liabilities at the end of the day which makes a bit of sense but I can't understand girls with the slogan - I must marry a rich dude - money can buy love - if I marry a rich guy I know id end up falling in love with him, at least it’s better to drive a Mercedes than ride a bicycle.

It’s very normal to desire the best things in life, but how many relationships built on money have lasted? Yes he would buy you the Louboutin shoes, Gucci, Prada and the LV wears you've always dreamt of, take you on expensive trips abroad and readily make cash available to you, but how long would the relationship with a guy who knows he bought you with money last?

Don’t get me wrong there are rich guys who love their women and pamper them with whatever it is you can think of, but when money is the motive what happens when the money isn’t there anymore, does the love die too? Would money tell you I love you when you so dearly want to hear it? Would money hold you close and keep you warm on those cold lonely nights? 

All of a sudden the money wouldn’t mean anything anymore and you are back to square one.
So what am I saying, don't blame every break up on the person that carried out the act. Sometimes it’s better to do a reality check on yourself first using the reasons he/she gave for the breakup as a platform before jumping to conclusions. It just might be that thing you considered not important that made you lose the one you love.
In conclusion, don't go into any relationship if you are not ready to LOVE, TRUST, UNDERSTAND and be FAITHFUL that person else if you are someone like me you'd just keep getting hurt.