COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS - PROS AND CONS

Seyi and Gbemis relationship was a classic tale of boy meets girl; girl meets boy bla...bla...bla. They met each other at the burial ceremony of a mutual friend’s relative and fell in love immediately. Their relationship had really blossomed that after dating for about three years, Seyi decided to propose to Gbemi, in what she recalls as the most romantic thing he had ever done, especially the fact that he did it on day they were celebrating the anniversary of their third year together.

Seyi was a 25year old Accounting graduate from a reputable University in England, and was also close to bagging himself a Masters degree. He was the third and only boy among the four children born into the wealthy Adedeji family so it would be easy to guess that he was really pampered and made not to lack anything.

Gbemi on the other hand was a 22year old fresh graduate of Biochemistry from the premier University in Ibadan. Her parents were also comfortable but not as wealthy as Seyis family. She was the only child of her parents and so was showered with love by parents, uncles, aunties and other family members. When Gbemi met Seyi he was this easy going love able and social guy that everybody was comfortable being around while she on the other hand shared the same attributes but was more of a stay at home person. He loved his alcohol and was also a die-hard Chelsea fan so Gbemi knew as much as not to tease and taunt him whenever this favorite team lost a match.

Throughout their courtship they rarely argued as they tried to understand each-other the best way they could. Seyi had started working with an Insurance company as a manager while Gbemi took up a position as a factory head in a bottling company. Three months into the fourth year of their relationship, Seyi decided to walk Gbemi down the aisle with all their family and friends in attendance. It was carnival like, and Gbemi described it as the best day of her life especially the part where they exchanged the *I Dos*.

In the first year after marriage, they welcomed their first child a baby girl they named Oluwatomike.  Seyi had just been promoted at work and due to the recent mergers and acquisition facing the Insurance industry he wasn't always home as he always had to travel as a result of the nature of his new position. After much thought, Gbemi decided to quit her job to become a full-time housewife so she would have time to take care of their baby.

At this stage, the relationship was already experiencing a strain as Seyi was never home and whenever he was around he was either too tired or too drunk to give his wife the sexual satisfaction she needed. Whenever she came at him he would brush her off and she would cry all through the night because he never used to reject sex she was starting to lose her mind. They were now constantly fighting and arguing over things that never used to matter.

Seyi had become a shadow of his old self....his alcohol consumption rate was now very high, he picked up smoking, he stopped eating her food, he stopped sleeping in their room and at times won’t even sleep at home. One particular night after one of their routine arguments he beat her up so bad she lost a pregnancy she didnt even know she had. Barely four years into the marriage Seyi was now a god in her eyes his presence alone sent shivers down her spine. It got soo bad she had to send their daughter to stay with her family. She was getting frustrated and losing her calm about the whole thing. She loved him so much she couldnt bring herself to believe this was the same man she married. She informed her family and his family about this new development and after much plea from both parties Seyi promised to change. This lasted just over a week as Seyi went back to his old self.

On Valentine’s Day of that year she had gone shopping to get the perfect gift for her husband, she bought scenting candles and sexy lingerie just to see if she could revive some spark in the relationship. That night Seyi didn’t come home it was at that point that she came to a conclusion that he was cheating on her. But then who could be taking all of Seyis attention??? Who wants break her marriage? She pondered on this for a while before she was finally able to sleep.

Seyi wasn’t actually cheating, he was having serious work problems and was merely passing the negative energy into their marriage thereby causing cracks in the relationship between him and his wife. The wave of merger & acquisition had blown and management was laying off most of their staff as they won’t be able to maintain them on their payroll. He had done a good job on his part but whenever he remembers the fate that befell some of his friends who were in the banking industry he comes to the conclusion that there is no job security in the corporate world. He was confused as to how he would tell this to his wife and how he would be able to maintain and take care of his family if he eventually gets sacked so he just preferred to stay away from home. Gbemi on the other hand had become so lonely the only person she could confide in was an old friend Ifeanyi who had a big crush on her while she was in the University. They had been spending time together and whenever she was with him she felt a sense of belonging. She knew he obviously still liked her but she tried as much as possible to keep their friendship on a platonic level while still hoping that her husband would come around.